Bill Clinton Threatens To Set Himself on Fire
A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving."He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"
The Officer replies, "The President is just so depressed about the impeachment thing he stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking round taking up a collection for him".
"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"
"So far only about three hundred gallons but I've got a lot of folks still siphoning."
When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied, "I don't know. I never had one."
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Bill
Clinton, George Bush, a spectacular looking blonde woman and an
enormously large woman with an unfriendly scowl are in a train car.
The
train passes through a tunnel, and in the darkness the unmistakable
sound of a slap is heard.
As the train pulls out of the tunnel, the
daylight reveals a big red slap mark on Clinton's cheek.
The blond thinks: "That rascal Clinton
wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat
lady, who must have slapped his face"
The fat lady thinks: "That dirty old Bill Clinton touched the blonde and she smacked him."
Bill Clinton thinks: "George put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me."
George Bush thinks: "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack Clinton again."
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Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich, and Bill Clinton Visit The Wizard of Oz!
Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car together in the Midwest.A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away.
When they come down and extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the land of Oz.
They decide to go to see the Wizard of Oz. Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain." Gingrich says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart." Clinton says, "Where's Dorothy?"
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Clinton Infidelity Joke
One day, many years after the Clinton scandal, Hillary is struck by a car and killed.Soon, Hillary finds herself at the gates of Heaven. She sees St. Peter and asks "Can I get into heaven now?" he says "Soon, I have some things to take care of."
So St. Peter leaves and Hillary looks at the scenery and sees millions of clocks lying around. Every once in a while, a clock or so would turn ahead 15 minutes. Hillary wondered why?
Soon, St. Peter came back and Hillary asked "St. Peter, What are all these clocks for?" St Peter replies "Each clock represents a man. Every time a man commits adultry, the clock turns ahead 15 minutes.
Hillary asks "Where's my husbands clock?" St. Peter replies "Oh, it's in God's office, he uses it for a fan."
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If you came across Bill Clinton
struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him
or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph, what shutter speed would
you use?
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The Clinton Tragedy
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a 'tragedy'.One little boy stands up and offers 'If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy.'
'No,' Clinton says, 'That would be an ACCIDENT.'
A girl raises her hand. 'If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy.'
'I'm afraid not,' explains Clinton.
'That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.'
The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.
'What?' asks Clinton, 'Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: 'If an airplane carrying Bill & Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy.'
'Wonderful!' Clinton beams. 'Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?'
'Well,' says the boy, 'because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would not be a great loss!'
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Clinton's mother prayed fervently that Bill would grow up and be president. So far, half of her prayer has been answered.
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Thanks for sharing,
Kevin
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