Jesus loves you, but I think your an asshole!
Zero to dick in 60 seconds.
Very Funny Scotty, now beam up my clothes...
Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready.
Stamp Out Crime - Abolish the IRS
Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can
If You Can Read This Bumper Sticker, You're In Range
This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I have PMS and a handgun. ANY QUESTIONS?
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an IDIOT!
Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
When there's a will, I want to be in it!
Tastes like chicken keep on licking. Tastes like trout get the fuck out!
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Forget about World Peace....visualize using your turn signal.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Born free... taxed to death.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
HORN DOES NOT WORK- WATCH FOR FINGER!
Don't blame me! I didn't vote!
Mopeds are like fat women. Fun to ride but you don't want to be seen with em!
If you can read this... Your parents will be home in two minutes.
Don't drink and drive.... You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
My Kid Beat Up Your Honor Student!
Nice People Swallow!
Honk if you have had sex with Clinton.
Hang Up And Drive!
If you're not angry, you're not paying attention!
This car is not abandoned!
I STOP FOR NO APPARENT REASON.
Don't like my driving? Call 1-800-FUCK-YOU
"KEEP HONKING".... I'M RELOADING
Enjoy Life - Eat Out More Often
If your cute,single,and rich, HONK!
If you don't trust me with my decision, how can you trust me with a baby? Pro-Choice For Abortion
Don't laugh, your daughter could be in here.
WARNING: Driver only carries $20.00 worth of ammunition.
Sex is like air, it's only bad when your not getting any.
My wife's other car is a broom.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, then baffle them with bullshit.
Constipated people don't give a shit.
Practice safe sex, go fuck yourself.
If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
Please tell your pants its not polite to point.
If that phone was up your ass, maybe you could drive a little better.
My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
Thank you for pot smoking.
To all you virgins thanks for nothing.
If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling.
Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".
If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
Horn broken...watch for finger.
It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.
If your not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.
I'm out of bed and dressed....What more do you want.
I love cats...dead ones.
I don't have an attitude problem...You have a perception problem.
One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.
FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software.
I want to die while asleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
I can't dial 911. There's no 11 on my phone.
Kentucky: Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names.
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Can you yell "MOVIE!" in a crowded fire station?
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Hard work pays off later, laziness pays off now!
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Don't get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house.
I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better!
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.
Zero to bitch in 10 seconds
I don't discriminate, I hate everyone!
Life is like a bowl of cherries, and I'm in the pits!
Can't sleep, clown will eat me; Can't sleep, clown will eat me......
Wine me, Dine me, 69 me!
Student Driver-Get the hell out of my way!
HONK! If Monica Lewinsky blew you!
Constipated people don't give a crap.
Practice safe sex, go screw yourself.
If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
Please tell your pants its not polite to point.
If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive a little better.
Thank you for pot smoking.
To all you virgins thanks for nothing.
If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling.
Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".
If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.
If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.
Barney sucks.
Life is too short. Don't be a dick.
Forget Subtlety... FUCK YOU!
Most of the time I swallow, but for asshole's like you, I spit...
Fuck the dog watch out for the owner.
If it's tourist season, Then why can't we hunt them.
Work Harder. People on Welfare Depend on You.
Hire the handicapped, they're fun to watch.
Happiness is lipstick on my dipstick!
A hard on doesn't count as personal growth.
I cant remember if I'm the good twin or the bad one.
I just want revenge. Is that so bad?
I'm smart as a horse and hung like Einstein!
I may be fat, but you are ugly and I can lose weight.
So many cats.....so few recipes.
My other ride is your MOTHER!!
Practicing Safe Sex? Give yourself a hand!
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