Little Johnny Bets The Teacher She Has A Mole On Her Ass
Little Johnny likes to gamble.One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city.
Johnny's daddy thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling."
So he calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you'll have to keep an eye on him."
The teacher says OK, she can handle it.
The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny."
She says yes I know who you are.
Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you ten dollars you've got a mole on your butt."
The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet.
She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole.
That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why.
So his dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost."
The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem."
Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you didn't, he bet me a hundred dollars this morning that he'd see your ass before the day was over."
Little Johnny Asks Daddy About God
Little Johnny goes to his father and asks, "Dad, is god a man or a woman?"His Dad replies, "Johnny, both. God is both."
Johnny asks, "Dad, is god black or white?'
His Dad says, "Both. God is both."
Ok, then Johnny asks, "Dad, is Michael Jackson God?"
Little Johnny Sleeps With His Teacher
One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss Smith can I please sleep with you tonight ?".His teacher replies "NO"
Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".
"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.
Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss Smith can I please play with your belly button with my finger".
She again says "NO".
"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.
"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.
Things are silent for a few minutes until the Miss Smith leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"
Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".
Little Johnny On Santa's Lap
Little Johnny sits on Santa's lap and Santa puts his finger on the boys nose and says "I bet your name is (spells out ) J o h n n y ?"The little boys eyes light up and Santa puts his finger on the boys nose again and says " I bet you want a (spelled out ) b i k e ?"
Little Johnny's eyes light up and he asks "How'd you know that ?"
Santa replied "Because I'm Santa I know everything".
Little Johnny gets a funny look in his eye and says "I bet you like (spells out ) g i r l s ?"
Santa says "Yes, how'd you know that ?" Little Johnny says " Beacause your finger smells like P U S S Y !"
Little Johnny Jabbing Little April With A Needle
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Savior," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!"
The Teacher fainted.
Little Johnny And Mommy's Titty Balloons
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mommy, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
Little Johnny Learns The Meaning Of Shit, Fuck, And Son Of A Bitch
Little Johnny comes home from school one day and asks his mother what "shit" meant.Thinking fast she replied "food on the table".
Next day he comes home and asks his mother what does "son of a bitch" mean.
Again, thinking fast again she says "It's a priest".
Next day he comes home a asks what does "fuckin'" mean. She says it means "getting dressed".
That same night a priest was coming over for dinner. Johnny is just finished setting the table when he hears the doorbell ring.
He yells "got it".
He opens the door and says "Hey son of a bitch, shits on the table and mom and dad are upstairs fuckin'".
Funny? Please "tweet this post" to your Twitter following by clicking here:
Tweet
Or... post on Facebook by clicking here:
Thanks for sharing,
Kevin
 Visit My Poker Blog |
