One Serious Golf Question

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Sent in by Paul Soucy

 

 

 

 

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Kevin
  
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Ralph Goes To The Doctor About His Twenty Inch Penis

Follow @moneybwebguy When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. 

Ralph became quite concerned, so he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist. After an initial examination, the physician explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be cured through corrective surgery. 

"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously. "Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor. "Well," said the wife, "you are planning to lengthen Ralph's legs, aren't you?"


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Two Women Discuss Plastic Surgery

Follow @moneybwebguy Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.

The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job." 

The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!" 

To which the first replies, "Whoa I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"


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Mother Finds Condom In Her Daughter's Room

Follow @moneybwebguy A mother walks into her daughters room holding a condom in her hand.

"I found this while cleaning your room today.... Are you sexually active?" 

To which the daughter replies, "No, I just lay there."


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Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how...

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• An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
• As smart as bait.
• Chimney's clogged.
• Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
• Doesn't know much, bot leads the league in nostril hair.
• Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
• Forgot to pay his brain bill.
• Her sewing machine's out of thread.
• His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
• His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
• If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
• Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
• No grain in the silo.
• Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
• Receiver is off the hook.
• He has less going on upstairs than a one story house.
• Several nuts short of a full pouch.
• Skylight leaks a little.
• Slinky's kinked.
• Surfing in Nebraska.
• Too much yardage between the goal posts.
• A few clowns short of a circus.
• A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
• An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
• A few beers short of a six-pack.
• Dumber than a box of hair.
• A few peas short of a casserole.
• Doesn't have all his corn flakes in one box.
• The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
• One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
• One taco short of a combination plate.
• A few feathers short of a whole duck.
• All foam, no beer.
• The cheese slid off his cracker.
• Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
• Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
• He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
• Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
• The lights are on, but nobody's home.
• 24 cents short of a quarter.
• A few bricks shy of a full load.

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Guy Takes A Homeless Man Back To His Wife For Dinner

Follow @moneybwebguy A man was walking down the street when he was approached by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded.

"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up beer, gambling, golf, and sex."


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