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Monday, September 12, 2011

87 Year old Woman Sees If Her 92 Year Old Husband Can Fly?

 

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman... She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th-floor apartment, killing him instantly. 

Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in defense of herself. "Your Honor," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly."


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at 4:17 PM
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Saturday, September 10, 2011

Q. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?


 
A. One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...


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Kevin
 



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at 9:35 PM
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Southern Belle's Description Of Sexual Habits Of New York City

 

Miss Annabell had just returned from her big trip to New York City and was having refreshments on the front porch of her daddy's mansion with her southern belle friends. She tells them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound. "You just wouldn't believe what they have there in New York City," says Miss Annabell. "They have men there who kiss other men on the lips."

Miss Annabell's friends fan themselves and say, "Oh my! Oh my!" 

"They call them homosexuals," proclaims Miss Annabell. 

"Oh my! Oh my," proclaim the girls as they fan themselves. 

"They also have women there in New York City who kiss other women on the lips!" 

"Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls. "What do they call them?" they ask. 

"They call them lesbians," says Miss Annabell. 

"They also have men who kiss women between the legs, there in New York City," sighs Miss Annabell. 

"Oh my! Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls as the sit on the edge of their chairs and fan themselves even faster. "What do they call them?" they ask in unison. Miss Annabell leans forward and says in a hush, "Why when I caught my breath, I called him Precious."


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at 8:59 PM
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Man Gives Up Sex For Lent

 

As an ultimate test of his will power, a man decided to give up sex for Lent. Although not thrilled with the idea, his wife agreed to support him in this effort. The first few weeks weren't too difficult. Things got tougher during the next couple of weeks, so the wife wore her dowdiest nightclothes and chewed on garlic before going to bed. The last couple of weeks were extremely tough on the husband, so the wife took to locking the bedroom door and forcing the husband to sleep on the couch.

Easter morning finally came. A knock came on the wife's bedroom door.

"KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!"
Husband: "Guess whom?"
Wife: "I know who it is!"
Husband: "Guess what I want?"
Wife: "I know what you want!"
Husband: "Guess what I'm knockin' with?"


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at 8:55 PM
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Wife Sees Rage In Her Husbands Face During Sex

 

A wife says to her friend, "Our sex life stinks." 

Her friend says, "Do you ever watch your husband's face when you're having sex?" 

She says, "Once, and I saw rage." 

Her friend says, "Why would he be angry during sex?" 

The wife says, "Because he was looking through the window at us."


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at 8:52 PM
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My Wife Is A Liar!

 


"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. 

"How do you know?" the friend asked. 

"She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley." 

"So?" the friend replied. "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"


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at 8:47 PM
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